happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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