And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
