I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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