never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
