She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
