pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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