I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
