My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
