i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
