I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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