I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
