last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
