If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
