I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Someone shattered a urinal.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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