I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
