it's not cheating when I paid for it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
