I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
