Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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