dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
