we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
