I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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