I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
