you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
