ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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