Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
