I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We got so high we made milksteak
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
