Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
