im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
