Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
