I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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