Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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