so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
