Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
