Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
