Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
