You're completely useless in the revolution.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
