you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
