shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
