It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
