My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
