WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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