yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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