I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
