Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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