Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
