do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
