chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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