I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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