Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
