its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
