When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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