I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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