You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
