gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
