we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
