Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
